


After the Fall

by ss9512



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-13 19:20:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14754756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ss9512/pseuds/ss9512
Summary: After Oliver goes to prison, what does life look like for Felicity and William?And what does it look like when Oliver comes back to them?





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if anyone will be interested in this, but it was something I felt the need to write. It's really an exploration of who Felicity and William will have to become in Oliver's absence.
> 
> If there is enough interest, I was planning to do a second part, of what it looks like after Oliver gets out of prison. Let me know if that's something you'd like!

At first, Felicity wondered how she was going to do it. Go from being a stepmother to a boy she'd only known for less than a year to a single parent in a new town where they knew no one. 

But of course, after that first night of fears and doubts, she woke up with only one clear thought. No matter the state of her life, or her marriage, it was her responsibility to be there for William. And, coming as a slight surprise to herself, she wanted to do it. The morning after Oliver was taken away, she and William were taken back to their apartment, accompanied by several ARGUS agents, to gather a few things before leaving for god-knows-where. William emerged from his room with a suitcase and his Flash backpack, where Felicity was waiting for him in the living room. 

"Where did Mr. Diggle go?" William asked tentatively.

"He'll be back in a couple minutes, he just needs to check on the arrangements. Then we'll leave, though...he won't be coming with us."

William nodded his head slowly, coming to sit by her. He was fidgeting a little, glancing at her nervously, which Felicity picked up on right away.

"What is it?" 

William took a deep breath before saying all at once,

"Are we going to stay together?"

Felicity was so stunned she didn't respond for a moment, leaving William to rush on,

"I want to stay with you, I don't want to go to my grandparent's or anything," He cast his eyes to the floor, "But I know this isn't what you signed up for...I'm not, you know - "

Felicity could feel her throat tightening at the thought of anyone, or anything, taking William away from her. She interrupted him, reaching out to take one of his hands.

"You are mine, and I will never let anyone take you from me," she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears, "I want you to know that I will never take your mother's place. But I will do my absolute best to make sure I do right by her, because I know she's watching over you."

William could only nod slightly, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Felicity's heart constricted when she thought of everything he'd had to go through the past year.

"We might not have come together like a typical family, but I love you like any mother loves her son."

William reached up to rub his eyes roughly, and she could see the tears falling quickly. Felicity was struck by the image - the whole time she'd known him, he stayed strong, seeming beyond his years. But in this moment, he had never looked so much like the child he still was. She reached for him, wrapping his arms around him, determined to take care of her son.

****************************************************************

Part of ARGUS' protective custody meant a total separation from their old life. This meant they could not speak to any of their old friends, or their family. Neither of them had seen or even spoken to Oliver since they'd left. She'd heard ARGUS' promises - they were trying to arrange a visit, in a way that kept them safe, they just needed 'more time'. Too many criminals were on the look out for them both, trying to exact their revenge on the Green Arrow. The prison was being watched, the call lines monitored. Felicity was disappointed, to be sure, because despite the growing anger and resentment she felt, she missed Oliver desperately. She even wished she could yell at him, because then at least she could try to resolve some of her feelings. 

She was sad for William as well, who perked up every time he heard the phone ring, on the off chance the time had finally come. 

But Felicity was committed to creating a good life for William, one that included a new home and a new last name. She went into it with as positive an attitude as she could, knowing that William would pick up on whatever she was feeling. 

Luckily for them both, Barnes, Vermont had some real upsides. Unlike Ivy Town, the town felt less like a suffocating suburb and more like an eclectic, close-knit community. Their home sat on the outer ring of town, cloistered in by tall trees that would sway in the breeze. She and William spent many of the long summer afternoons sitting on their porch, trying to embrace the relative peace they'd found.

They were only in town for two days when, as they walked past the local library, William stopped at a bulletin board. Felicity followed his gaze to a bright yellow flyer that read "Summer Little League Try-Outs - May 28th". 

William hopeful face turn towards her, and she caught the first glimpse of excitement from him since Oliver.  She couldn't help but smile back, nodding as she reached to tear one of the information slips from the bottom of the page. 

So for that summer, Felicity became...well, not a soccer mom, but a baseball mom. She cheered when he made it onto one of the best teams, attended all of his games, and took him and his new friends to ice cream after a particularly tough loss. 

It felt all at once entirely foreign and completely familiar. Though she at times couldn't help but marvel at who she had become, she also found it crazy that William was ever not a part of her life. 

*****************************************************************

This was not to say that their lives were easy, or perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. The shadow of Oliver's absence followed them constantly, and they both struggled to be the person their new lives demanded. Two weeks into baseball practice, the coach came up to them as they prepared to leave.

"Felicity, right?" 

"Yes, it's nice to meet you!" Felicity shook his hand.

"You've got a special kid here - he's got some arm!" he said.

Felicity saw the sheepish smile on William's face, although it faded with what the coach said to him next.

"Your mom here must be so proud of you."

William flinched almost imperceptibly.

"I'd love to meet your dad sometime," the coach blundered on.

With that, William was clearly struggling to maintain his composure. 

Felicity's smile tightened on her face, saying only, "It's actually just the two of us."

The coach's face reddened, stumbling out an apology they didn't wait to hear as they marched home.

William stayed quiet during the walk home, shutting himself in his room the moment they got home. Felicity, unsure of what to do, decided on giving him some space. But as the afternoon turned into the evening, she hesitantly knocked on his door, calling out to him,

"William? Do you think we could talk for a minute?" 

There was no response, so she slowly opened the door to his room, easing herself in. William was sat on his bed, staring intently at a book he didn't seem to actually be reading. 

Taking a deep breath, Felicity said, "Look, I know that was uncomfortable today. I just want to talk - "

William interrupted loudly, "I don't want to talk to you!"

Felicity, though taken aback, tried to cover her surprise by saying "I understand it's hard - " But again William cut in.

"You can't understand! You're not my mom!"

Felicity took a second to gather herself before responding, "I know I'm not Samantha, but I am your parent and I just want to help you."

William slammed his book shut and turned away from her, clearly trying to end the conversation. Entirely conflicted on what to do, Felicity hesitated for a moment before deciding to leave him be. But she turned as she got to the door, saying quietly,

"I'll be here when you're ready."

That night, Felicity spent several hours alternating between spiraling into her fears and obsessively googling how to help adolescent trauma. That is, until she heard the door of William's room creak open. She turned to see William standing at the doorway, his eyes rimmed red from crying. Neither of them spoke for a moment, and then William's face began to crumple and he broke down, moving towards her as she automatically opened her arms to hug him.

They stayed like that on the couch for several minutes, and then she heard William say in a quiet, shaky breath,

"I'm sorry."

Felicity fought her own tears as she assured him, "It's okay. You don't have to be sorry."

She felt him shaking in her arms, and he tried to speak several times until he could get the words out through his tears.

"I didn't mean it. Please don't leave."

With that, Felicity lost the fight with her own tears, and they began to fall freely as she pulled back slightly, moving to hold his face between her hands.

"I will _never_ leave you. You don't ever have to worry about that."

William leaned his head back into her, and she simply held him as he let his tears fall, finally allowing themselves to feel the pain they had both been trying to hide from. After some time, William's tears came to a stop, and Felicity felt his strangled breathing start to ease. Just as she was about to say something, William sat back and spoke again,

"I'm so angry...and sad. And I don't know what to do with it. I want to be strong for you, because," William took a breath to steady himself, "I don't want to become too much for you. I don't want to drive you away."

Felicity made no attempt to hide her tears from him.

"There is nothing you could do that would drive me away. If I have to tell you a million more times that I see you, and love you, as my own son, then I will," she assured him, "But I hope you believe me this time. You are the best thing in my life, and I don't need you to be strong for me. I need you to let me take care of you."

William listened to her, holding onto her every word. 

"You're allowed to feel angry, and sad," Felicity continued, "And so am I. This isn't always going to be easy, but I think if we lean on each other we're going to be okay."

Felicity looked at William closely, hoping to see him believe her. 

"I can't promise I'm going to be the perfect mother, or always make the right choice," Felicity said, smiling softly, "But I will always stay, and I'll always try."

William seemed to take her words to heart, and so while that was far from the last difficult moment for them, they started at least being honest about the pain they carried.

*************************************************************

Aside from the emotional weight of caring for a boy who'd essentially lost two parents in the space of a year, Felicity also began to realize that there were plenty of practical things about parenthood she didn't know - her short time as a co-parent with Oliver, with Raisa's help, did not afford her the knowledge most parents of an 11 year old would have. 

A month into their time at their new home, William came into the house, in his dirty baseball uniform, and immediately collapsed onto the couch. Felicity started to tsk at him, about to remind him that he was supposed to change when he got home. Then she noticed his overly flushed face, and how his face seemed to be scrunched up in pain.

"William?"

He turned ever so slightly towards her, cracking his eyes open.

"What's wrong?"

He only shrugged in response, causing her nerves to shoot up. Felicity knelt by William, pressing the back of her hand on his forehead, which she could tell was burning. Felicity's brain seemed to freeze - she had no idea what to do. How do you know how seriously sick a kid is?

"Can you feel me what hurts? When did you start feeling sick?"

"Um, I don't know. A few hours ago? My head hurts, and my stomach."

"Hurts how?"

"I don't know. It just hurts a lot."

William curled on the couch, holding onto his side. Felicity felt panic rise in her as she realized she had never signed him up for a doctor when they arrived. She didn't even have any cold or flu medicine in the house. How could she have missed something so important?

And what now? It was a Saturday, so the small doctor's office in town wouldn't even be open. She felt well and truly out of her depth, not even having someone she knew well enough in this town to call to ask for advice. For the next 20 minutes, she tried to track down some relevant information online, but all the while, William's pain crept upwards. In her desperation, she reached for her phone and broke about fifty ARGUS rules by calling the one person she'd been wishing she could speak to in this last month as a single mother.

"Mom?"

"Felicity? Baby, is that you?"

Felicity could feel the tears threaten to fall.

"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk to you yet. I shouldn't even be talking to you now, but I really need your help."

With those words, Donna assumed a calm, controlled tone that Felicity associated with mothers in crisis mode. 

"What's wrong?"

"William's sick. He's got a fever and he's in pain - he keeps holding his side, I think it's getting worse. I don't know what to do," Felicity voice shook.

"Okay. You need to stay calm, but I think it might be appendicitis. You had it when you were a kid."

 "Appendicitis? Okay...okay, what do I do?"

"Take him to the hospital, they'll be able to fix it easy."

Just the word hospital struck fear into Felicity, which her mother seemed to know.

"Felicity, everything's going to be okay. You've got him."

"Right," Felicity tried to believe this, "Mom, I'm sorry, I wish..."

"I know, baby," Donna voice sounded less steady now, "It's alright. Call when you can. Go take care of him."

With that, Felicity hung up the phone and turned back to William.

"William, honey, we're going to go to the hospital. Do you think you can sit up for me?"

Slowly, William got up and they made their way to the car. Once at the hospital, Felicity was relieved to see the doctors admit William right away, but as she watched them draw blood, take x-rays, and hook him up to wires, she found it shockingly difficult to see. She stayed rooted at his side, grasping his hand and, every so often, reaching up to brush his sweaty hair from his forehead. After a couple hours, while William slept, a young doctor came in.

"Are you his mother?"

"Yes."

"Well, you did the right thing by coming in. He does have appendicitis, and we're going to have to get him into surgery."

Felicity took a shaky breath at this, nodding while trying to regain her composure.

"I can assure you he is in great care. We do this procedure every day, and it's very noninvasive. He'll be good as new in a week."

"Okay. And when will you be doing this?"

"Tonight - I'm actually here to take him to prep," He hesitates as he sees her hold onto his hand tighter, "I'll give you a minute."

Felicity waited until he left the room, then gently woke William. He cracked his eyes open, clearly still foggy from his fever.

"What's going on?"

"The doctors say they're going to have to take out your appendix. This happens all the time, so there is nothing to worry about. And I'll be right here when you're done."

William only nodded, leaning his head into her hand. The doctor returned to the room, made one last promise to take care of William, then wheeled him away.

Felicity fell back into her chair, feeling her nerves and exhaustion overwhelm her. She felt sick at the sight of him being taken away from her. She decided, just one last time, to give in to the support she so badly needed, and took out her cell phone once more.

"Mom."

"How is he?"

"It was appendicitis, like you said. He's okay..." Felicity voice shook, giving way to tears, "He's gonna be fine."

"It's okay, I know how scary it is to take your kid to the hospital," Donna assured her.

"I didn't register him with a doctor mom, I didn't even have medicine in the house!" Felicity said, "I feel like I'm failing him."

"You are not failing him! You are there - and this is not your fault."

"I just feel overwhelmed. His entire life is my responsibility." 

"That's what it is to be a single parent, baby."

Felicity feels a flash of anger towards Oliver for doing this to their family.

"But I promise," Donna continued, "It is worth it."

"I know. I am grateful to be his parent, I just want to get it right."

Donna gave a small laugh at that, "You're just gonna have to lower your expectations a little bit. You're not always going to get it right - and that's okay. He'll know how hard you tried, and how much you love him."

Felicity could feel the weight on her chest lighten a little as her mother spoke. 

"Mom, I know I've said it before, but now that I have some idea of what it takes...thank you for always being there for me."

"Always, baby."

Reluctantly, Felicity says, "I'm not supposed to be talking to anyone right now. It could put you or us in danger...I'll probably have a new phone by tomorrow."

"I miss you, Felicity."

"I miss you too, mom. I promise it won't be like this forever."

"Good, otherwise ARGUS will have to create a new identify for me too, cause I would have to come join you in your mysterious new life."

Felicity laughs, saying "I'll talk to you as soon as I can. I love you."

"I love you too."

As hard as it was to hang up with her mother, Felicity found the comfort and strength she needed in that moment. When William is brought back to his room, Felicity is there just as she promised she would be.  

*****************************************************************

For five months, Felicity and William build this new life together. Not always perfect, but they lean on each other until, with every passing day, it gets a little easier. School starts for William and Felicity finds a job maintaining the technological infrastructure for the town. 

Felicity gets updates from ARGUS every two weeks - though they are never what they want, filled with vague threats from nameless criminals that are stopping her and William from getting to talk to Oliver. Felicity buys a journal, and in the late nights where her bed is just too cold and too big, she writes letters for Oliver, detailing both the love she has for him and her deep disappointment with how he handled things. She dreams of him, and sometimes all she remembers is his smiling face, and sometimes she wakes up sweating, consumed by fear or anger.

She begins to wonder when this would all come to a head - she knows that this will not continue this way forever. 

She also wonders who she will be when it does. 


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has morphed into a three-parter. Please let me know what you think! I'm relatively new at this and am still trying to figure out how I'm doing :)

After five months of living in Vermont, Felicity began to hear rumblings from ARGUS of changes in Star City. No, they hadn't yet caught Diaz - but the reports about the city, and Oliver, became increasingly more vague as summer turned to fall. 

"What do you mean you can't say?" Felicity demanded over the phone, "Every week for months, all you've told me is that Oliver is 'stable'. That's it. And I've put up with it - but now you can't even tell me that?"

"I'm sorry ma'm," came the anonymous voice on the other end, "There appear to be some...developments. But I'm not authorized to share them with you."

Felicity's temper shot up at these words.

"Not authorized to share them with me? Are you serious?" she exclaimed, "I swear to god - "

Felicity stopped there, as it became apparent that he was no longer listening to her when she overheard some rustling and whispers in the background. 

_"What am I supposed to tell her?"_

_"Just handle it!"_

_"She already knows something is happening, I can't - "_

_"Fine! Fine, I'll do it."_

A new voice, a woman this time, replaced her nameless predecessor.

"Ma'm?"

"Stop calling me ma'm! I'm not a hundred years old!" At this point, Felicity was ready to lash out at whatever was said to her. 

"I apologize, Ms. Smoak. I want to assure you that we would like to loop you in, but at this point it is still too dangerous for you and your son."

"Don't you dare patronize me!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Felicity saw William slide into the room. For his stake, she tried very hard to modulate her tone. 

"I'm sorry," she said in a tone of forced politeness, "But I would think the best thing for me and my son is to know what is happening to our own lives."

The agent hesitated slightly, before saying "Of course. As soon as we can - "

Again, her voice cut out as there was a swell of background noise. Felicity thought she could hear several new voices join the chorus behind her. 

"Ms. Smoak, I'm going to pass you to my superior."

 Felicity heard the phone change hands, feeling entirely put out.

"Are you guys playing hot potato or something today? What the hell is going on?"

"Felicity." 

The sound of John Diggle's voice rendered Felicity momentarily stunned, as it was the first time in several months she had heard her friend's voice. The last time she had seen him, he had just finished giving her a bone-crushing hug before waving to her as she and William boarded an ARGUS plane. He had tried to hide it, but she had spotted the tears welling in his eyes that day.

"John?"

"Hi Felicity. I've missed you. And William."

At that, Felicity glanced over to William, who had been listening to her end of the conversation with rapt attention, and now clearly understood that Dig was on the other end. Felicity smiled at him, telling John,

"We've missed you too."

William smiled back, nodding at her statement.

"I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. Technically, being the point of contact for friends is...against the rules."

Felicity couldn't help but laugh a little, noting "I guess there are some downsides to working for a legitimate organization. You actually have to follow the rules."

"Well, I wouldn't go quite that far, but I guess I could only break so many at once."

"What does that mean?"

"I've been working on getting Oliver out of prison."

Felicity felt her throat tighten at the simple mention of Oliver.

"Have you seen him? Is he okay?"

"I have seen him a few times. He's...he's holding up. He misses you guys very much."

Felicity nodded absentmindedly, forgetting for a moment that John couldn't actually see her. She felt William tug on her elbow, just noticing that he had moved to her side when he realized they were talking about his father. Felicity grasped his shoulder with a small smile.

"William, honey, John has seen your dad a few times. He's okay, and he misses us."

William's face gave little indication as to how he was feeling. She guessed it was conflicted, the same as her. 

"Can Mr. Diggle pass on a message from me?" William asked tentatively.

Felicity took a breath, before hearing John say, "I heard him, Felicity. Can you put me on speakerphone?"

She did so quickly, before giving John the go-ahead.

"William, I can't promise that I'll be able to get him your message, but I'll try really hard. What do you want me to tell him?" 

William hesitated, as if he hadn't expected him to say yes.

"Just that...I miss him. And I hope that he's okay, and..." he trailed off, looking at Felicity with a torn expression.

Felicity knew what had him so torn, and she also knew he was looking at her, if not for permission, than for a sign that she supported what he had to say. She gave him a small nod of encouragement. 

"And that I'm angry with him, but also that I hope he comes home so we can work it out in person."

Felicity took a moment to marvel at the strength of the boy in front of her. She had spent these past months trying to encourage William to understand and express his feelings, and, if she were being totally honest, to be better than his father was. 

"I will do my best to tell him, William," John said, "And Felicity? Anything you'd like to add?"

Felicity had her own conflicted moment. She doubted she could say anything that would encompass the feelings she'd had in the past five months.

"I think everything I want to say to him should come from me," Felicity said carefully. 

"I understand. William, do you think I could talk to Felicity privately for another minute?"

"Yeah, okay. Thanks Mr. Diggle."

"Of course. Stay strong, kid."

With that, William reluctantly slunk out of the room with one last glance over his shoulder. 

"So John, what is this plan? What can I do?"

"Honestly, Felicity - and I know this isn't what you want to hear - but nothing. And I can't tell you what it is."

Felicity couldn't help the sharp feeling of betrayal wash over her - another man in her life trying to make decisions for her, keep her out of things.

"I know you must be angry, but this is over my pay grade now. I came up with a proposal, one where Oliver worked for ARGUS in lieu of his sentence, but it worked a little too well. It's been taken out of ARGUS' hands now. Homeland Security has taken over, and they've completely shut me out. No one, not me, or the team, knows what's going on now." 

Felicity felt her anger ebb just a bit, though she was still smarting that all of this had happened without her knowledge.

"Okay...if that's really all you know," Felicity said in defeat.

"I have no idea if this is going to work, or, if it does, when he'll be done. Just..don't give up hope."

"I'll try."

John hesitates for a moment before asking in a softer voice, "Are you alright?"

"I'm about as alright as you'd expect."

But this came out a bit sharper than she'd intended, so she continued after taking a deep breath.

"We're doing our best. There are good days and bad days, although the good days are starting to outnumber the bad. I've been trying to make a real home for William ...I feel he deserves at least that."

"You deserve that too, Felicity."

Felicity felt a small sigh escape her, though she couldn't bring herself to respond to this directly.

"Give Lyla and JJ my best."

"I will. Hopefully we can talk soon."

"Goodbye, John."

With that, Felicity heard the line click and was left with the silence of the room. She sunk into her chair at the kitchen table, bringing her head to rest in her hands for a minute.

"Are you okay?"

William's voice cut through the silence, and she lifted her head to meet his eyes. Felicity could only give him a weak smile, shaken by the last twenty minutes. William surveyed her quickly, and whereas five months ago, Felicity may have tried to put on a brave face, she knew now that William only benefited from seeing her confront her sadness. They found a certain solidarity in their shared loss, and she'd watched him grow his compassion as a result.

"Do you want some tea?"

Felicity felt a wide smile reach her face. As an almost-12 year old boy, he was still limited in the ways he knew to comfort her, and she'd come to realize this was his go-to method. 

"That would be perfect. Thank you."

As William rummaged through the cabinets, pulling out a battered tea tin and filling the kettle with water, he glanced back at her nervously.

"Do you really think it's okay that I said to tell dad I was angry with him?"

"Yes, I really do," she responded, "Your dad is not oblivious. He knows we're both going to be angry, so there's no point in pretending we're not. If anything it'll just make him feel better to know that you want to get through it."

"And you?" William asked, "Do you want to get through it?"

It was the closest he'd come to asking about the state of his parent's marriage, though she knew it must have crossed his mind before. It was a difficult question to answer, but she wouldn't lie to him.

"I love your father very much - and I always will," Felicity said slowly, "And I want him to get out of prison and come home. As for our relationship - getting through this requires both of us to be present and committed. So I can't say exactly what will happen until he's here."

"And if he never gets out? What then?"

Felicity took several long moments to think through her answer. That possibility - that Oliver would never come home - had struck her many times, often late at night when she couldn't sleep. But she'd only ever pushed it away, not yet ready to fully consider what that would mean for her.

"Honestly, honey, I don't know," Felicity could feel the oncoming threat of tears and was sure William could hear it in her voice, "I don't think I could ever love someone like that again."

Felicity shook her head as if she were physically pushing the thought away.

"Besides, that's not something that's even on my mind right now - not when I've got you to look after!" Felicity assured him, though to her surprise William didn't look comforted by the statement. 

William came to sit at the table with her, handing her a mug of the peppermint tea she favored, clearly lost in his own thoughts. However, before she could coax his thoughts out of him, they both started at the sound of a loud chime behind them. William leaned back in his chair, reaching out (when had his arms gotten so long?) to grab his cell phone from the counter. 

"It's Luke. He wants to know if I want to go to the batting cages with him," he looked up at her, "I don't have to go, we could hang out if you want."

Felicity gave him a genuine smile this time, assuring him, "You should go. The nice weather is only going to last for so long, take advantage of it while you can."

He still looked unsure, his mouth twisting as he thought about it. Felicity felt a surge of love for him, knowing that as much as she'd worked to be here for him, he had done the same thing in return. 

"I promise you that I will be fine - and I never break my promises, right?" Felicity said, "I want you to have fun - seeing you happy makes me happy."

William relented, saying, "Okay, but I'll be home for dinner."

"Got it. Maybe we'll order pizza tonight."

William cheered at the idea as he ran to grab his stuff. He stopped back in the kitchen on his way, leaning down to give her a quick hug before leaving out the front door. Felicity found herself grateful, not for the first time, to be in a town that was really safe, where she didn't have to worry about William walking the 8 minutes to the athletic field. 

Later that night, after the promise of pizza had been fulfilled and William had passed out on the couch while they watched one of her favorite episodes of Doctor Who, Felicity dragged herself to the kitchen to start tidying up. A few minutes later, she heard the telltale rustling sound that indicated William had woken up. She looked up to see him walking into the kitchen, and he immediately began helping her clear the plates. They both cleaned quietly for several minutes, and, when they were done, she turned to him to wish him a goodnight.

"Goodnight William."

"Night Mom."

This recent development still caused a small flutter in her heart when she heard it. She knew it was mostly born of the fact that he'd had to start calling her 'mom' - at least in public, where people didn't know any better. Eventually he began to slip it in at home, though it had surprised even himself at first. They talked about it extensively, with Felicity assuring him it was entirely his choice - that it didn't mean he had forgotten his mother and that he was free to go back to Felicity whenever he wanted. Now, he often switched back and forth between 'Mom' and 'Felicity', though she thought he tended to favor 'Mom' more so lately. 

William began to walk out of the room, but he turned back to face her when he reached the doorway. She watched his face carefully, as it was clear that he was struggling to say something to her. She knew better than to interrupt his thoughts, so she waited patiently for him to speak.

"I just wanted to say, if you ever did decide to...be with someone new. If dad never got out, or, you know, whatever...that would be okay with me. I want you to be happy."

Felicity was stunned into silence, her brain working overdrive to process what he'd just said, though she didn't get the chance to say anything. Without waiting for a response, William turned on his feels and left the room. In that moment, Felicity was more sure than ever that Oliver needed to get the hell out of prison and back home. 

******************************************************************************

It would take another two months before Felicity heard anything new about Oliver. Although, she didn't exactly just 'hear' about it. Felicity had gotten out of work an hour early, and, as a result, swung by William's friend's house to collect him. She had promised him that they'd get around to seeing the new Robin Hood movie, and she figured tonight was as good a night as any. But as they got home to drop off their bags, the first thing they saw was an unfamiliar car in front of their house. Felicity then noticed that the front door was open. Her first instinct was to grab William and get as far away as possible - but in the next moment, she saw Samandra Watson come out her own front door. 

Agent Watson quickly descended the driveway, apparently not put off by their stunned, and, honestly, slightly hostile expressions towards her.

"Ms. Smoak. William. I'm sorry to come by unannounced."

"Why are you here? Is Oliver okay?" Felicity said in one breath.

"Mr. Queen, as I think you know, has been working on an operation for Homeland Security. He has become, shall we say, increasingly stubborn in the last few weeks," Agent Watson said, annoyance clear in her voice, "He is refusing to continue unless he gets to see the both of you."

Felicity felt like her stomach dropped to the ground.

"You mean he's here?" she asked incredulously. 

William turned to her immediately, the shock on his face turning to excitement.

"Yes, he is inside. I have to say, we've broken quite a few rules to get him here. That means we can only give you an hour together."

An hour. Oliver was here and they had one hour to spend together. Felicity took a moment, before she seized William's hand and marched towards the house. Just as they reached the door, Felicity froze. William, who had come to a stop with her, studied her face, which was currently running through every emotion in the book. William squeezed her hand lightly, pushed open the door, and pulled her into the house.

Felicity could feel her heart racing, and she, almost inexplicably, felt as though she could burst into tears. She and William turned the corner into the living room, and Felicity's chest tightened painfully at the sight of Oliver sitting on their couch.

It felt as though time froze for a second. He looked weary - the lines of his forehead looked slightly deeper, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent than ever. She could see a faint yellow bruise on his cheek, and noticed what looked like bandages peeking out of his shirt, evidence of whatever violence he'd had to face in the last seven months. His face was composed, though his hands looked like they were trembling. He looked at them intently, seemingly frozen himself. 

After several long moments, Oliver got off the couch and, ever so slowly, made his way over to them. Felicity could feel the tears gathering, so overwhelmed that in that moment she felt unsteady on her feet. William had kept a tight grip on her hand, but as Oliver neared, he, as if on instinct, reached out for his father. Oliver gratefully grabbed his hand, but otherwise seemed hesitant in his approach. He was certainly more unsure of himself than Felicity had ever seen. 

Felicity got the sense that whatever move was to be made would have to come from her. She took her hand back from William, only to then wrap it around his shoulders, pulling him to her side. She then leaned them both forward, into Oliver's opening arms. She could feel Oliver shaking, his breathing harsh. William's eyes closed tightly as he pressed his head to Oliver's chest. 

They stayed like this for some time. Gradually, she and William pulled back, though she kept her arm around her son. Oliver's eyes shone with unshed tears, and he very gingerly reached a hand to William's face. As William leaned into Oliver's palm, Oliver took the chance to meet Felicity's gaze. In his eyes flashed so many emotions, and Felicity was sure the same was mirrored back at him. Though as she looked at him, she felt what she saw most clearly was desperation - though desperation for what, Felicity wasn't sure. Forgiveness? Comfort? She didn't know what he wanted. She also didn't know if she would be able to give it to him.

Oliver spoke first. 

"I am so happy to see you."

William smiled at that, but Felicity found herself unable to rid her face of the tension she knew must be evident.

"We've missed you," William responded, his smile widening "I can't believe you're here."

"I can't really believe it either," Oliver said, "But I needed to see your faces. I've missed you both so much."

Oliver looked again at Felicity, possibly hopeful this might prompt a response from her. 

"How is this possible?" asked William, "What are you doing for them?"

"I can't really get into it, buddy," Oliver said carefully, "But it's not so different than when I was the Green Arrow. I'm helping the FBI take down some bad men, so in the end, the world will be a little safer for you."

"Does this mean you're going to be home soon? Like, for good?"

Oliver grimaced slightly, saying "I don't know. I hope so, but I don't want to make any promises."

Felicity watched William's smile fade, and noticed him flinch at the words 'promises'. 

"So now you don't want to make any promises?" William said, a slight edge to his voice. 

Oliver looked shaken for a moment, opening his mouth to speak but no words came out. After a few seconds, Oliver spoke again.

"I know how angry you are," Oliver looked at Felicity then, "Both of you. You have every right to be. And I want, more than anything, to fix anything that's broken. That's why I'm doing this for the FBI, so that I have a chance of coming home and being there for you."

Instead of responding, William turned to Felicity. He didn't say anything, but he studied her carefully, clearly hoping for some indication of what he should do, or how he should feel. So when Felicity finally spoke, it was to William.

"Why don't you tell Dad what you wrote in that letter?"

She was referring to a letter William had shared with her during a late night conversation they'd had some months earlier, which he'd written to Oliver but wasn't allowed to send. 

Oliver glanced between the two of them, waiting for William to decide.

"I wrote you a letter," William began, "But they said I couldn't send it."

Oliver only nodded, allowing William to continue.

"I wrote that I missed you, and that I wished you were here. That I was angry at you for leaving me, and leaving Felicity, but that no letter was going to make that better," he took a deep breath, "Because there wasn't enough time to get through it all. I needed you to come home, for good, to do that."

Oliver nodded and grasped William's shoulders.

"I want to be home for good. So badly."

William seemed to be fighting his own tears as he said, "We only have an hour. I don't want to spend it being mad at you."

"Okay. I just want to hear about you. How you've been, what you've been up to."

Oliver and William settled on the couch, while Felicity sat on the adjacent armchair. She listened as William regaled him with stories of their time there, his baseball team, his school, how he had entered the county science fair. Noticeably absent were the stories of the nights he'd come to her crying, or the times he saw her fall asleep on the couch only to awaken from a nightmare. 

For the next 30 minutes, Felicity stayed quiet, allowing her son to be happy in his father's company. That didn't mean, however, that she wasn't painfully aware of the tension between her and Oliver. It felt as though there was a rubber band stretched between the two of them, and they both were tensely awaiting the moment it would snap. As captivated as he was by his son, Oliver couldn't help but glance at Felicity every couple minutes. He seemed to expect her to jump in with comments or stories of her own, but she never did. 

After a while, William gathered the courage to ask what prison was like. Oliver seemed unwilling to get into the gory details, saying only,

"It's hard to be away from you and Felicity. I spent most of my time thinking of you."

He again looked at Felicity. She wasn't exactly sure why she found herself unable to speak. She'd always known that, if given the chance to talk to him, she would be both angry and still entirely in love with him. Yet now, with Oliver actually sitting in front of her, she felt immobilized by these two warring sides. She couldn't hold on to any one feeling or thought without it being immediately replaced by another. She also didn't feel like she could have whatever conversation was coming in front of William. 

Perhaps Oliver knew that, because, as the clock ticked closer to the end of their time together, he gently asked of William,

"Buddy, I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think Felicity and I could have just a couple minutes alone?"

William first looked at Felicity, who, after a second, gave him a small nod. Surprise colored Oliver's face as he watched the silent exchange. Oliver watched William leave the room before turning back to Felicity.

"Do you think maybe you could move to the couch?"

Felicity did so, feeling their knees bump together as they faced each other. Felicity saw him reach for her hands, and felt his warmth as they grasped hers.

"We don't have a lot of time," Oliver voice sounded strangled, "And even if we did, there could never be enough time for me to fully apologize for how badly I've hurt you."

Felicity turned her eyes toward the ceiling in an attempt to keep her tears from falling.

"I can't ask you to forgive me right now, I just need to know if there is a chance - any chance - that I could ever fix this."

Felicity heart felt like it shattered, and she had to take several long, shaky breaths before she could respond.

"I don't know what fixing this looks like. I don't know how we move forward," she saw his face fall before she continued, "But if there is a way, I'd like to find it."

Oliver closed his eyes, his hands weaving their fingers together. 

"I will find a way," he promised, "No matter how long it takes."

He leaned forward, looking into her eyes for permission as he did so, resting his forehead against her. He took one hand to cradle her face, feeling the tears that had escaped her, and then, very gently, pressed his lips to hers. Felicity allowed herself a moment, just one moment, where she simply reveled in this feeling that she had missed so desperately.

Felicity pulled back first, aware of how little time they had left. She called William back into the room, where they sat together, as a family, for their last few minutes. They heard a sharp knock on the door, alerting them to Oliver's imminent departure. As they stood, Oliver held them both before standing back to look at them intensely, as though committing their faces to memory.

Oliver went to leave, turning back at the last second to ask, "Please take care of each other."

Too overwhelmed to speak, they both nodded.

"I love you both."

It was Felicity who spoke for them this time.

"We love you too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said there would only be two parts, one before and one after, but this kind of took on a life of it's own. So it's sort of an in-between chapter. Assuming people like this, the next one should be the "after" part.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know! First I said 2, then I said 3...what can I say! There was just more to write than I expected. But I'm 99% sure it'll be 4 parts now.
> 
> This chapter was especially difficult to write, so I'm really hoping you like it!

After Oliver's visit, Felicity and William struggled for a bit to get back to their life. Seeing him, talking to him - it had thrown them off-kilter. Everyday William went to school, he would wonder if his dad might be there when he got home. Every time the phone would ring, Felicity and William would exchange a tense glance as Felicity picked up, followed by a small, sad shake of her head when she'd realize it wasn't him. But as the days slid into weeks, they both had no choice but to settle back down. 

But Felicity soon recognized the danger in this too - most days, it no longer felt like they were 'making the best of things'. The realization struck her one day in February, as William came shuffling in from the cold.

"There's another foot of snow out there!" William exclaimed.

Felicity glanced over her shoulder from where she was sitting at the table.

"Take off your shoes, please!" she called to him. 

William spent the better part of the next few minutes unloading himself from the layers of clothing necessary to protect against the Vermont winter. As he pulled off his sweater, he fell into the chair beside her, his face red from the cold. Felicity smiled at the sight of him rubbing his face in an attempt to bring some the feeling back.

"They couldn't have set us up in Fiji?" Felicity joked. 

"Yeah, if we were in Fiji I bet I'd still be able to feel my toes," William laughed. 

Felicity got up, making her way across the kitchen to grab the hot chocolate mix out of the cupboard. 

"Are you gonna heat it up on the stove?"

Felicity smiled again, shaking her head at his hopeful voice.

"Yeah, yeah, relax. I know you like it better than the microwave."

As she turned on the stove, Felicity heard the rustling of William's backpack as he pulled out his folders, looking back to see him flipping through the messy stack of papers that were sticking out. He seemed to find what he was looking for, grabbing one and hopping out of his chair to show it to her. 

"Ms. Talbot wanted me to give this to you," William said, suddenly sounding a little shy.

Felicity took the paper from his hands, and he went to sit back down. She quickly realized that it was not another notice of an upcoming field trip or a reminder for Parent's Day. 

"William! This says she wants to admit you to the gifted students program!"

"I know."

"This is amazing! Aren't you excited?"

"It's no big deal," William said, yet Felicity could tell that he was fighting a smile at her words, a red blush creeping over his cheeks. 

"It is a _very_ big deal, William. You should be proud - I know I am."

William looked at her sheepishly, admitting, "I think only four other students got in this year. It's the smallest group in years."

"Now that is impressive," Felicity exclaimed as she walked over to him, leaning over to give him a hug. She pulled back to press a kiss to his cheek, William laughing and squirming away.

"Although," Felicity said as she turned back to the stove, "I knew you were gifted all along."

 William didn't respond, but Felicity saw him smiling while he busied himself with his homework. 

She returned her attention to the hot chocolate, calling back to him as she finished,

"Would the gifted student like extra marshmallows?"

"Yes," William laughed. 

She brought his mug over to the table, handing it to him as she sat down.

"We should celebrate this! Maybe you could have Jack and Peter over, or I could take you guys out somewhere," she started.

"No," William said quickly, "I don't think that's a great idea."

"Why not?"

"Because, I don't think either of them got in, and I don't want to make them feel bad."

However proud Felicity felt over William's brains, she felt doubly proud over the kindness he showed his friends. 

"Okay, you're right. But what if we didn't say we were celebrating anything?" she tried, "Why don't you just do something fun with your friends, and we'll be the only ones who know why."

"Well..." William said, as if the thought just occurred to him, "Maybe my friends could come over for dinner, and then - well, that new video game I told you about is coming out next week, and I know Jack and Peter are dying to play too..." 

Felicity started laughing, his hesitation and careful words not fooling her at all.

"How long have you been been waiting with this?"

William evidently gave up the act, shrugging with a wide smile on his face.

"I figured the opportunity would present itself eventually."

 Felicity couldn't help but find it endlessly amusing, before conceding, 

"Yes, alright. You deserve it."

"Thank you!"

William looked at his phone then, startling when he saw what time it was. He started to gather up his things from the table, reminding Felicity that he was going over to Jack's house to work on a project for their robotics club. 

"Okay, but if you're there past dark you need to call me to come get you. It's too icy for you to be walking back alone at night."

William agreed, though the sound was slightly muffled as he pulled his sweater back over his head. He picked up his backpack, readying himself to leave, pausing for a moment to yell back at her as he walked out the door. 

"Love you!"

"I love you, too," she called back. 

Felicity leaned back in her chair, reaching out to steal what was left of William's hot chocolate. Left to her thoughts, Felicity suddenly realized that this very real accomplishment of William's was the first they had celebrated without acknowledging the lingering sadness of Oliver not being present to witness it. After the first baseball game William had pitched at, he told her on the way home how he wished his dad were there to see it. His first day at his new school ended with him writing a list of all the things he wanted to remember to tell Oliver. When he won first place at the science fair, he asked if Felicity could take a picture of his exhibit just how it was so Oliver would be able to see what it looked like.

But today there was none of that. 

A wave of emotion washed over her. It wasn't as if she really believed they could ever forget him, but this felt like a significant shift and she didn't know how to stop it. What's more, she wasn't sure if she wanted to. For the first time, William was able to fully enjoy something without automatically succumbing to the weight of his sadness. And isn't that for the best? Shouldn't she want him to be able to feel that joy unencumbered?

At the same time, did she want Oliver to be any more left out of William's life? Though she usually tried not to, for a minute Felicity allowed herself to wonder what Oliver was going through at that very moment - she was willing to bet it was nothing good. What would he agree to in an attempt to get back to them? Felicity wasn't sure she even wanted to know.

All at once, Felicity felt completely exhausted. Not for the first time, she was at a parenting crossroads and the decision was entirely hers. She was, as always, afraid of making the wrong choice. She wondered, then, if the family Oliver would come back to would be anything like the one he left.

**********************************************************************

The day finally came more than ten months after Oliver was first taken to prison. William was reading in the back yard, enjoying one of the first days of early spring. Felicity was inside reviewing the weekly grocery list, crossing out some of the more lavish additions William had tried to sneak in. When her phone rang, she picked it up without so much as glancing at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Smoak?"

Felicity recognized the voice of Agent Watson right away.

"Yes - what's going on?" she said hurriedly, getting up and walking over to the glass door that led out to the yard. She rapped on the door, motioning to William to come inside. He must have seen the tense look on her face, since he threw his book down immediately and ran inside.

"Mom, what's happening?" he whispered, but Felicity could only hold a finger to her lips as she tried to hear Watson's response.

"I'm calling to tell you that Mr. Queen's work with us is coming to an end."

Felicity held her breath, not daring to interrupt.

"We are just awaiting his official pardon, then he will be free to go."

"Free to go?" Felicity repeated breathlessly, feeling lightheaded.

William gasped, gripping Felicity's arm as he looked at her face for confirmation. 

"That's right. We are expecting it to come through today, meaning we can have him in Vermont by the end of the day tomorrow."

 Felicity took a breath, exhaling slowly. 

"Okay, um, thank you for...thank you," Felicity said.

At that, Watson unceremoniously hung up the phone, leaving Felicity with only silence for a moment, until she unfroze enough to set the phone back down. Felicity felt William's eyes on her, and so she turned to meet his desperate gaze.

"Is it over? Is dad coming home?"

"Yes," Felicity said, hardly daring to believe her own words, "They're giving him a pardon...he'll be here tomorrow tonight."

William looked astonished, and Felicity was sure she looked exactly the same. They both stood frozen for several seconds, Felicity waiting for her heart rate to return to normal. She looked down as she realized William had unthinkingly tightened his grip on her arm. Her gentle hand on his, carefully easing his fingers off of her seemed to be what snapped him out of his daze.

"Oh, sorry mom."

"It's okay, hon."

William flexed his hands, running his thumb over his index finger in a nervous gesture that reminded her so much of Oliver. 

"I can't believe it," William breathed.

"Neither can I"

"And," William started, "he'll be here tomorrow?"

"Sounds like it."

William nodded absentmindedly. She could practically see all the thoughts running through his head, and she heard his breath quicken.

"William, calm down."

He looked at her expectantly.

"This is good, but it's also a lot to take in," Felicity said, watching him nod in agreement, "Whatever happens, I'm right here."

He took a deep breath, saying, "I've been waiting for this for so long, and now that it's here," he paused for a moment, working through his thoughts, "I just hope it's for good this time."

Felicity sighed softly, putting one hand on his shoulder.

"I know. Me too."

William looked around the room, as if seeing it for the first time.

"Are we going to have to leave here?" he asked.

Felicity was taken aback, having not yet considered this. Before she could respond, William launched into an entire list of questions.

"What's going to happen to dad? I mean, is everyone allowed to know he's been pardoned? Is he going to go back to being the Green Arrow?"

As he took a breath to continue, Felicity placed her hands on either side of his face. He faltered, waiting for her to speak.

"I don't know any more than you do right now," Felicity said, "But I promise you, we will get answers to all of your questions. And whatever decisions are made from now on will be made as a family. Okay?"

William could only nod.

"Look, I know I'm asking for the impossible right now, but why don't we just take a minute to calm down," she suggested, "It's not like there's anything we can right now anyways."

So that night, she and William did their best to pretend it was just like any other night. Though, Felicity had to admit, they were both failing miserably. They were about 40 minutes through some tv movie, during which Felicity had done nothing but mentally run through every possible scenario for Oliver's homecoming, when she glanced over at William to find him lost in thought, cracking his knuckles anxiously. Felicity shook her head, reaching over the switch the movie off.

The sudden silence snapped William out of his thoughts, and he looked at her with a distinctly guilty look on his face, as though ignoring the movie was akin to some sort of crime.

"This is not working," Felicity conceded, "But honestly, I have no idea what we should do."

William shrugged helplessly, "I don't know either."

"We could talk about it?" Felicity suggested.

"Okay," William said, "You first."

Felicity, in that moment, felt trapped and, if she were being honest, a little dumb for not seeing that coming. 

"Okay, fine," she said.

But she didn't continue, falling silent until William nudged her with his foot.

"Okay, okay! I'm nervous...I don't know what to expect from him. I think we should both be aware of the fact that he could be a little different," Felicity saw his face tighten at the suggestion, "I mean, it makes sense - even we're different. It's been awhile."

William looked off, lost in thought for a minute. 

"I'm worried that nothing's going to be the same. The three of us, I mean. So much time has passed, and I know things are going to be weird," William admitted.

"You're worried about your relationship with him?" Felicity asked.

"No..." William said hesitantly, casting his eyes away from her, "I'm worried about yours."

"Mine?" Felicity said, surprised.

"Yeah," he continued, "I mean, I know I've got my own stuff, but he's my dad - we're kinda stuck with each other, you know? But you...it's different. Especially since I know what happened before."

Felicity took a breath, feeling her chest tighten.

"When I first found out dad was, well, my dad, I googled him. I found your engagement announcement, and I asked him about it. He said you guys were apart for a while, that he'd made some mistake, said something about communication and secrets...I don't know. But I looked at the timing of everything, and I just put two and two together..." William said quietly, "You broke up because of me, right? He didn't tell you when he found out."

Felicity had unconsciously brought a hand to her mouth, and her tears burned in her eyes. 

"Baby, you are not the reason your dad and I broke up."

"Maybe not me, like as a person, but he lied about me." He said it as a fact.

Felicity opened her mouth, willing the right words to come out. When none did, she simply reached out for William and gathered him in her arms, holding him close for a long time. Her arms were shaking a bit, so she focused only on him, and his heartbeat that she could feel against her. Once she had gathered enough strength, she pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes.

"I promised I would never lie to you, so I won't" she said, her voice still unsteady, "It was a really complicated situation, and your dad was in a tough spot. He wanted for us to be in each other's lives, but what he wanted most was to be your dad, and to keep you safe. Somewhere along the way, he made a decision that he really believed was best for you."

William's face, to her surprise, kept steady.

"So yes, he didn't tell me about you right away. And I felt...betrayed when I found out," Felicity said, "But I want to be clear - you, your existence and your person, has never, ever, not even for a second, brought me anything but joy. I will forever be grateful that I have you in my life."

William smiled softly as he sits back, saying, "It's okay, I know you love me. That's not what I'm worried about."

Felicity searched his face for any indication that he might not be telling the truth, but thankfully she found none.

"But after all that," William said, his smile fading, "How could he do this? And how do you forgive him again?"

"William, honey, you shouldn't be taking on my problems. This isn't for you to worry about."

"It is! Because as much as I want our family back, I don't want him to hurt you again!"

William looks genuinely upset now, and Felicity does all she can to rein him in. 

"Whoah, William, it's okay! I'm okay!" Felicity insists, "Look, I can't pretend it's been easy, or that I'm happy with the choice he made, but your dad really was trying to do what was best for us. He loves us so, so much and I think sometimes it blinds him."

"I don't know if that's good enough," William murmured. 

"Oh, hon, I don't know either. But I want our family back too, so I think we at least gotta give it a chance," she says, "The rest will be up to him."

Williams sniffs, just once, before taking a deep breath.

"Okay?" Felicity asks.

"Alright, I'll try," William says. 

William looks exhausted, and he closes his eyes and leans his head against the couch. Felicity puts one hand to rest against his face, studying him intently, as if she was searching for any signs of lasting damage. 

"Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?" she asked. There had been a handful of occasions before this night where William had woken from particularly bad nightmares, sweating and crying. It was those nights where he'd knock on her door, and she'd call him in to find him so clearly shattered. Only then would he climb into her bed, allowing himself to act perhaps a bit younger than his age.

William's eyes cracked open. She could practically hear the conversation going on in his head - he wasn't a baby...but it would be nice not to be alone tonight. 

"Okay...because I don't want you to be alone," William said with a slight smile.

"How very kind of you," she responded lightly. 

The rest of the night was spent in relative silence, with both of them getting ready for bed in their separate rooms before William came to join her. She turned the TV on low, settling on a familiar sitcom, letting the silly jokes and cheesy laugh track lull William into sleepy daze. She carefully waited until she was sure he was asleep before turning it off, and, to her surprise, immediately felt sleep pull her under. 

The next day, it was like they had rid themselves of the pent up anxieties of the night before. Felicity wasn't naive enough to think that meant her problems with Oliver were gone, but she did feel, at least, that she was ready to face them as long as he was.

They spent the day out and about, enjoying the relatively warm weather, soaking up what could be their last normal day in this town. As they returned home, they settled in to wait. They both found themselves turning their heads at every noise, every passing car, just waiting for the one that would stop at their door. Finally, just after dark, they heard a car pull up in front of their house. Felicity knew it was him, and stood in an instant. She looked first to William, relieved to see him standing steady, asking him one last time,

"You ready?"

 


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! Thank you for reading this, and to everyone who left a comment - it's crazy to me that people are actually reading something I wrote!

Felicity reached for William's hand, pulling him to her side as they waited for Oliver to come to the door. Felicity's heartbeat quickened, the anticipation of the moment finally registering with her. 

As she heard Oliver's footsteps draw closer, she felt herself move to open the door. As it opened, Oliver stilled at the sight of them waiting for him, still a few feet away. William pulled his hand back, walking quickly to close the gap between him and his father, throwing his arms around him. Oliver, his eyes still locked on Felicity, wrapped one arm around his back while his other hand came to rest on his head. Felicity felt strangely disconnected from this moment, as if she were in some sort of dream.

When William pulled back, Oliver finally tore his eyes from Felicity's face to look at his son. A slightly sad smile appeared on his face as he took him in. 

"I've missed you so much," Oliver said. 

"I've missed you too," William responded.

William looked back at Felicity with an expression she could only describe as cautiously hopeful. Felicity did her best to smile back at him, motioning to both of them.

"Come on, let's go inside."

Oliver kept an arm around William's shoulders as they followed her back through the door. Once inside, Felicity kept her back to them as she slowly closed the door. She was almost afraid to turn around, suddenly unsure if she was ready for this conversation. She started when she heard Oliver's voice from behind her.

"Felicity?"

She turned to find Oliver staring intently at her. Neither of them moved, or spoke, for several long moments. Felicity opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out as she searched desperately for the right thing to say. William glanced between them, obviously uncomfortable with the tension in the room. However, Oliver broke the silence first, looking at William and taking a deep breath.

"Where to start?" Oliver said slowly, "Can you show me where we could sit together?"

William nodded, turning to lead them all into the kitchen. Felicity wasn't surprised - the kitchen table had become a sort of safe space over the last several months. This is where they'd eat together, talk about their days, confess whatever was weighing on them. 

Oliver sat down first, with William and Felicity hovering a step away. 

Perhaps just to give himself something to do, William asked, "Do you want anything, dad? Water, or...?"

"No, I think I'm - " Oliver started to say, but William had already moved into the kitchen without waiting for a response.

This left Felicity, at least momentarily, somewhat alone with Oliver. She felt as though there were some invisible rope around her, tugging her in his direction. But she stayed standing, leaning against the door frame. 

They stayed quiet, Felicity carefully avoiding his gaze, listening to the sounds of William rummaging around the kitchen.

After a couple of minutes, William returned, placing a glass of water in front of Oliver, then moving over to Felicity to hand her a mug of tea.

"Thanks, hon," Felicity said quietly. 

William then slowly sat down next to Oliver, looking at Felicity expectantly. She rounded the table to take the seat opposite them, feeling Oliver's eyes on her as she did so. Felicity saw Oliver's hands moving in that nervous manner that she saw William do sometimes. His mouth twitched a bit as he looked between them, taking a deep breath. Felicity tensed, readying herself for a conversation that was ten months overdue. 

"I need to tell you both how sorry I am for putting you through this. I know it can't have been easy, and William - " Oliver turned to his son, "You lost another parent and I broke my promise to you."

William pressed his lips together in a hard line, his eyes diverting from Oliver's face. Oliver cautiously reached out a hand, lightly resting it on William's hands.

"I never wanted to leave you," Oliver assured him, "But I was just willing to do whatever it took to keep you safe. I needed you to be okay."

William looked back at him sharply - Felicity got the sense that he had opened the floodgates. 

"How was I supposed to be okay after my dad left me?"

"That's not what I meant, I just - it was better that Diaz couldn't get to you, and I knew Felicity would -"

"You're right!" William interjected angrily, "She did take care of me, all by herself. You abandoned us and left her to pick up the pieces. We had to leave our home, our friends, and move across the country. And I'm supposed to be grateful?" 

"I didn't say you're supposed to be grateful, I know how hard this has been on you."

"No, you have no idea!"

"William, I am sorry that I had to leave - "

"No, no, you didn't have to leave. You chose to leave. There's a difference."

Felicity had to resist the temptation to step in - to offer William words of support, to resolve the tension - but she knew how important it was for him to get this off his chest. Oliver was clearly taken aback at William's last words, pausing as William continued to fume. After a few moments of silence, Oliver spoke again, though this time she could hear the threat of tears in his voice.

"I promise you I will never leave you again."

"Your promises don't mean very much," William said, shaking his head angrily.

"I know. But, if you'd let me, I'd like to change that."

William stared at the ceiling for a several long seconds before speaking again.

"I guess. But you'd better not screw up again."

Oliver just listened quietly, as though he was afraid of saying anything that might make it worse.

"I'm tired," William said suddenly, anger still clear in his voice, "I'm going to bed."

William stood then, though when he looked at Felicity he hesitated. She guessed he didn't want to leave her alone, and she felt both grateful and heartbroken over the gesture. 

"It's okay, William. You can go to bed," Felicity said. 

He relaxed a bit, giving her a small nod before his eyes flicked once more to Oliver, after which he turned and marched out of the room. Felicity and Oliver sat silently until they heard the door to William's room click close. 

Felicity watched as Oliver, with his elbows on the table, leaned forward to put his head in his hands. 

"I guess that's about as good as I could have expected," he joked weakly, rubbing his face with one hand. 

But Felicity didn't smile. In fact, she didn't move at all, choosing instead to see what he would have to say to her.

"Felicity," he sighed, "You said before that you'd like us to find a way to fix this - is that still true?"

Felicity waited a long moment before answering.

"Where have you been?" 

"What?" Oliver asked, confused.

"I want to know where you've been, what you've been doing," she said firmly.

"I...I've been all over the place. Chicago, I guess, the most," he explained hesitantly, "I was sent to infiltrate the quadrant. After Diaz disappeared, the organization was taken over by some of their underlings. They proved to not have the...restraint of the original leaders. They were brutal, ramping up their operations all over the country."

His eyes scanned her face, but she kept carefully neutral as he continued.

"The FBI knew that if they just took out the leaders, nothing would change. There would just be some other thug to take their place. So they had me go in at the bottom, work my way up, dismantle the organization piece by piece. That's why it took so long."

"And it's done?" Felicity asked.

"Yes," Oliver said, "Completely over."

"And what did you do in there?" Felicity asked, though she was scared of the answer she was going to get, "Did you kill people?"

"I...yes. But it's not like I was a hitman. It was only when I didn't have a choice."

Felicity squeezed her eyes shut, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her chest constricted painfully, thinking about the pain he must have gone through. But unfortunately, it didn't change things on its own. When she opens her eyes, there are tears there.

"Who knows if there is even is still an 'us' anymore. God, forget what happened ten months ago. What about what's happened since? We're not the same people."

"Felicity," Oliver said fiercely, leaning across the table to grab her hands, "No matter what has happened, or who you've become, you are it for me."

Felicity couldn't speak, so she just stared at the table where her hands were wrapped in his.

"But, I guess," Oliver murmured, "I might not be 'it' for you anymore."

"Oliver..." Felicity sighed.

He looked at her, his distress clear on his face.

"I have felt pretty much every emotion in existence towards you in the last ten months," she explained, "But I haven't stopped loving you."

Oliver sucked in a breath, tears pricking at his eyes. 

"But I need more that now," she said, her voice shaking, "I need things to change, Oliver."

"I can do that," he promised quickly, "Anything you need."

"I've heard that before."

"I know, but - "

"But what? You mean it this time?"

Oliver seemed at a loss for words. Felicity shook her head sadly. 

"It's going to take time, Oliver, to get us back to where we were. And you need to be willing to do the work."

"I am willing," he assured her. 

Felicity blinked back the tears that had accumulated in her eyes.

"Okay. Then we can try."

He tightened his grip on her hands, saying simply, "Thank you."

Felicity gently took her hands back, saying, "Look, I think we're both exhausted. We can talk more tomorrow."

As she moved to stand, he moved with her. Suddenly, they were face to face, closer than they had been in months. Her determination to stay calm and rational seemed to disappear in his warmth. Oliver, after giving Felicity a moment to move away if she chose to, slowly leaned his forehead to rest against hers. His fingertips ran down the backs of her arms before he reached one hand to cup the side of her face. He shifted a bit so he could press his lips against her temple, and she heard him whisper again, "Thank you."

Felicity felt her resolve weaken, and she rested one hand against his face, turning her head to press several light kisses against his cheek. She then realized, quite suddenly, that they were both crying. She pulled back once more to look into his eyes before she pressed her lips to his fully. He responded in kind, his hands against her face, his thumbs brushing away her tears as her nails dug into his shoulders. After what somehow felt both like an eternity and no time at all, Felicity summoned the resolve she needed to break away from him.

"We can't," she said, "Until we know...until we're on solid ground, we can't do anything that will confuse William. I can't have him seeing us and thinking we've worked it out until we've _actually_ worked it out."

"You don't want to get his hopes up in case we don't get through this?" Oliver asked, unable to fully hide the fear in his voice.

Felicity gestured helplessly, saying, "I'm not saying that's what I want - but William comes first."

"No, you're right," Oliver said.

They both stand there awkwardly for a second, before Oliver gives her a weak smile.

"So is there somewhere I can sleep then?"

"Um, yeah," Felicity said, "We've got a guest room, I'll show you."

Ignoring the small flinch he gave at the word 'guest', Felicity led him to the room. As she moved back towards her room, Oliver stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"We will get through this," he said.

"I hope you're right," Felicity responded with a small smile. 

**********************************************************************************

The next morning, Felicity woke up when she heard a quiet knocking at her door. She rolled over to see her door creak open, and saw William's face peeking in to see if she was up. She smiled at him, gesturing for him to come in. William immediately entered, sitting on her bed quickly.

"So," he started, "What now?"

"Now," Felicity responded, "We take it one day at a time."

He nodded seriously, quickly becoming lost in thought. Felicity was worried about how consumed he could become by his worries.

"Hon, everything's going to be okay. We'll figure it out," she said, "And I'm happy you were able to tell him how you were feeling last night."

"Really?"

"Yes. Being honest is the first step to getting back to normal."

She sat up before moving her hands to urge him out of bed.

"Come on, let's get some breakfast."

Oliver found them in the kitchen some twenty minutes later, William cutting up some fruit while Felicity flipped pancakes on the stove. They were laughing, talking easily about some bake-sale disaster that occurred a few months ago. 

"Good morning," William said upon noticing Oliver, oddly formal. 

"Morning, bud," Oliver said cautiously, "It actually smells good in here."

"Always the tone of surprise," Felicity said lightly, before explaining, "Turns out when you're living with a growing kid in a town with exactly one take-out place, you can either learn how to cook or starve."

"We chose to learn how to cook," William added. 

"Right, good," Oliver said quickly, "I'm glad."

Felicity could feel Oliver watching as she and William moved in sync with each other, loading the serving plates and putting them on the table. 

Getting the sense that he wanted to contribute to the conversation, Felicity hears Oliver say, "Well, maybe when we get back to Star City you can show me what you've learned."

It brought Felicity and William to an abrupt halt. While William looked between his parents with an expression of surprise, Felicity could only give Oliver an angry, exasperated look. 

"So we're leaving, then?" William asked.

"No, we haven't made any decisions yet," Felicity said pointedly at Oliver. 

"I'm sorry," Oliver said hastily, "I just assumed - "

"What? That now that you're back you could make all our decisions for us again?" William asked angrily.

Felicity put a hand on William's shoulder, and he turned towards her.

"Whatever decision we make will include you," she promised. 

William nodded, then threw an angry glance at Oliver before saying to Felicity, "I'm not hungry anymore. Can I go to Peter's house?"

Oliver opened his mouth as if to say something, but fell silent at the look on Felicity's face.

"You can, but are you sure that's what you want to do?" Felicity asked William. 

William sighed, his mouth twisting. He thought about it for a short while, and she watched as he stiffly turned around to face Oliver.

"I'll be back later. Maybe we could watch the Rockets game that's on tonight."

"Of course, I'll be here."

William nodded and went to put on his shoes. He spun around to find Felicity putting some food into a bag for him. He took it, waiting a second before he left to let her smooth his hair down.

"Love you, mom."

"Love you, too."

Without another look at Oliver, William ran out the door and Felicity watched him go in the direction of his friend's house.

"He's punishing me," came Oliver's voice from behind her.

Felicity grimaced, saying, "Yeah, probably." 

Oliver nodded in defeat, before eyeing her carefully.

"When did the 'mom' thing start?"

It took a moment for Felicity to process this question - it had been so long, it no longer felt out of place for her.

"I don't know exactly. I mean, he didn't really have a choice in public, since everyone here thinks he's just my son. Eventually he started using it at home, almost by accident. Then it just became normal."

She looked to find Oliver shifting uncomfortably.

"Is that a problem?" she asked defensively.

"No!" he said quickly, "Of course not. It's just..."

Felicity raised her eyebrows, urging him to continue.

"You guys really have an entire life here, and I'm not a part of it."

Felicity couldn't help the angry huff that escaped her.

"Right, and who's fault is that?" she asked. 

"Mine, I know. And I get that. That's why whatever you guys want to do, I'm fine with it."

"Excuse me?" Felicity asked incredulously. 

"Staying here, going back to Star City, it's whatever you want to do."

Felicity was shaking her head, rubbing her eyes in exasperation. 

"This is not what I want, Oliver."

"What do you mean?"

"When I said I needed things to change, I didn't mean I wanted you to just do whatever we wanted."

"Then what do you want?" Oliver asked desperately. 

"I want a partner!" Felicity said angrily, "I want someone that I can count on, someone who wants to make decisions _together_. That's the whole point of marriage - to be a team, even when things are hard."

"Look, Felicity," Oliver said, cutting to the chase, "I know I hurt you when I didn't talk to you about my deal with Watson. And I'm really, truly sorry."

"I don't believe you," Felicity said. 

This was enough to derail Oliver, who needed to take a second before he spoke again.

"Of course I'm sorry - "

"Oh, I know that you're sorry that you hurt me. But I don't believe that you're sorry for what you actually did."

Oliver took a shaky breath, his eyes darting back and forth while he thought.

"Felicity..."

"I think, no matter how sorry you are when you see what you've put us through, there's some little voice in the back of your head that says 'you did what you had to do'. That little voice that seems to think that you, and you alone, are the only one capable of and responsible for making the hard choices," Felicity barreled on, "It's that same voice that told you to go fight Ra's on the mountaintop, to work with Merlyn, and to hide William from me, and I gotta say, that voice has not gotten you very far in life."

Oliver seemed dumbfounded for a moment, before recovering enough to say,

"I'll admit that when I see someone I love in danger, I would rather make a sacrifice than see them get hurt," he says defensively, "And I know I've hurt people in the process, but I don't know if I can apologize for trying to save my family. And maybe that means I should never have allowed myself to get close - "

"God, Oliver, you're the only person I know that can sound so self-righteous _and_ blame yourself in the same breath," Felicity interrupts, "But it kills me that you don't understand that if going to prison was really the only way, which, of course, it wasn't, I would rather us have made that decision together."

"You would have talked me out of it."

"Of course I would have! Because it was crazy and not the solution. And as your wife, I deserved the chance to tell you that."

They both took a breath, seemingly deflating a bit, exhaling some of the tension they'd been holding onto. Oliver leaned against the wall, nervously rubbing his palms together.

"Oliver, I want you to take a minute and consider what it would be like if I pulled something like this on you," Felicity said, "If in one moment, I took away your entire life as you knew it, disappeared, and left you alone. And you didn't have a say in the matter."

Oliver looked shattered at the thought, but stayed quiet for the time being. 

"The real problem here, Oliver, is that I cannot spend the rest of my life waiting for you to pull the rug out from under me again," she said tiredly.

After a long stretch of silence, Oliver finally spoke.

"You're right," he said, sounding staggered, "A part of me does believe that I need to be the only one that makes the decisions, and the sacrifices, and it's not fair of me to ask you to live with that."

"But," Oliver continued, "It's not because I think I'm more capable. I just - after everything I've done, the terrible choices I've made, the pain I've inflicted...I feel like I'm the only one who should have to make sacrifices. In my head, when I made this deal, I wanted to keep you and William safe, yes, but I also felt like I never deserved the two of you in the first place. So it almost made sense, in some perverse way, that I had to give you up."

Felicity shut her eyes as a wave of emotion overcame her. She made her way close to him, taking his hands in hers.

"Oliver," she said softly, "Whatever sins you have committed you've atoned for a hundred times over."

Oliver's eyes shone with tears as he shook his head in disbelief.

"You have!" Felicity said, "You have done so much good, I know because I've seen it."

Oliver searched her eyes, clearly desperate to believe her. 

"But, you know, I think if you look back," Felicity said gently, "You'd see that you've done the most good when you were part of a team. You and me, we're better together. And taking yourself away from us didn't make anything better, Oliver. All you did was decide what we were going to sacrifice for us."

"I'm sorry," Oliver murmured again, but this time, Felicity fully believed him.

She leaned in close, speaking quietly next to his ear while she gripped his arms.

"I can see it, Oliver - us as a team, the life we could have. And I want it so badly," she said before pulling back slightly, saying, "Do you?"

Oliver, obviously overwhelmed, simply nodded, his eyes earnest and full of tears. He leaned his head into her neck, letting her wrap her arms around his shoulders. 

There was still more to be said, and more work to be done, but Felicity felt, for the first time in almost a year, that their future was within reach again. 

*****************************************************************************************

When William returned that night, it was like he had entered an entirely different house. Oliver was cooking dinner, humming quietly to himself while Felicity, for once, busied herself on her computer. Felicity looked up and gave him a genuine smile, reaching out to pull him into the seat next to her. 

William looked apprehensively between his parents, trying to detect the reason behind the sudden change in mood.

Oliver turned the stove down when he realized William had returned, turning to him to ask,

"Do you think we could talk for a few minutes? Maybe in your room?"

William hesitated for a moment, but remembered his promise to Felicity that he would try.

"Alright."

"Great," Oliver said, saying to Felicity, "Now that you know how to cook, can I ask that you keep an eye on this?"

She glanced up from her computer long enough to make an overly-confused face at him, saying, "You know, it's so funny, ever since you got here I feel like I'm quickly forgetting everything I learned about cooking...so crazy. But I'll do my best," before turning back to her coding. 

Oliver chuckled to himself as he followed William into his room. William noticed him take it in, pausing for a moment to look at the half-built robot on his desk. Oliver gave him a nervous smile, and opened his mouth, but William spoke first.

"Seems like you guys are getting along better," he said.

Oliver nodded slowly.

"We talked for a long time today. She told me some things I needed to hear, and I think...I think we're going to be okay."

William was hesitant at this news, and Oliver watched as he nervously picked at his nails before he was able to speak again. 

"I need you to promise me you're not going to hurt her again."

If Oliver was hurt by this question, it didn't show.

"That is a promise I am happy to make," he said, "I know what mistakes I made, and I know what she needs from me now. It's still going to take some work, but it's work I'm willing to do."

"Okay, good," William said.

"I also know that she was the parent that you deserved," Oliver continued, "She was what I should have always been. And from now on, I am committed to being that kind of parent for you."

"I want to believe that."

"I understand if you don't trust me right now. That's why I will just have to show you how serious I am, everyday. And I just wanted to tell you that if you ever feel like you need something from me that I'm not giving you, I want you to tell me."

"Alright, I will."

They both stood up to return to the kitchen, but Oliver first paused, setting his hands on William's shoulders. 

"I love you, William."

William, despite his lingering resentment, couldn't stop himself from wrapping his arms around his dad. 

"I love you too, dad."

They returned to the kitchen together, where Felicity gratefully ceded control over dinner back to Oliver. She sat back down at the table, studying William's face for any hint of how he was feeling after their talk. William threw her a smile, and she, satisfied with his response, turned back to her computer.

"So," William said, "What are you guys thinking about moving back to Star City?"

Oliver and Felicity looked at each other, an easy smile gracing their faces.

"I don't know," Oliver said, "Let's talk about it."

 


End file.
